


Five Things Finn Learned about Poe Dameron

by trashtrashtrash03



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: :), Asexual Character, Asexual Finn, Everyone Is Gay, Finnpoe - Freeform, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Poe Dameron, I know, M/M, Poe speaks Spanish, Stormpilot, Trans Male Character, Trans Poe Dameron, aka i try to speak spanish, au: TLJ didn't happen, autistic poe dameron, one of those shitty 5+1 fics, post-TFA, sorry in advance, yavin is the latin diaspora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 02:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13894377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashtrashtrash03/pseuds/trashtrashtrash03
Summary: + 1 thing he learned about himself.





	1. Chapter 1

The first thing Finn learned about Poe Dameron was how _affectionate_ he was. The man could be seen sauntering up to just about anyone on the base and sharing a quick hug, a kiss on the cheek, a touch on the shoulder. Most of the resistance was used to it by now, except, of course, for their newest recruit.

“Finn” Poe’s voice rang brightly through the sterile halls of medbay, “This is Jessika Pava, _second_ best pilot in the resistance” Poe winked at her and slung his arm around her shoulders across the clunky chairs they were seated in. Poe’s fingers ran gentle circles around the peak of her shoulder, producing a gentle _swishing_ sound against the fabric of her flight suit. Jessica leaned into the touch slightly as if this was a common occurrence. Her cropped black hair gently brushed Poe’s exposed arm.

 _They must be a couple. Boyfriend and girlfriend._ Finn had heard of couples, usually members of the opposite sexes of similar species. The First Order forbade troopers from bonding in this way because it interfered with their allegiances – love made people unpredictable, and that, the First Order could not abide.

Finn chatted amicably with Jess and Poe from his recovery bed. Jess had new perspectives on the same battle stories he’d heard Poe tell and retell a thousand times, and he enjoyed the easy way Poe and Jess ribbed off each other. A kernel of jealousy developed in his chest. Poe smiled at Jess so brightly, his hand still comfortably _swish swishing_ at the arm of her flight suit, and he laughed so easily at her jokes – even the ones at his own expense. Finn wanted to share that kind of bond with someone. He tried to squash that feeling, at least while his friends were around. He didn’t want to accidentally telegraph his envy to them, in case they decided to stop visiting him. In case Poe decided to stop visiting him. Finn’s jaw tightened subtly at the thought.

After a few more grand retellings of various Black Squadron escapades, Dr. Kalonia came to usher the pair out. “Visiting hours are ending, you two, my patient needs his rest.” His friends stood and wished him well. Poe reached over to shake Kalonia’s hand, thanking her for her help with Finn. Seemingly on impulse, Poe leaned over to kiss the back of the doctor’s hand. They shared a warm smile that lasted a few more seconds than was professionally necessary. Finn’s eyes jumped to Jess, who seemed to have no reaction. That surprised Finn more than anything – _shouldn’t members of a couple be possessive of each other? Isn’t it meant to be a one-on-one system?_

Finn mulled it over briefly before letting his exhaustion overwhelm him.

 

Poe set aside time to see Finn every single day. Some days he would bring Jess, some days he would bring BB8, who Finn still couldn’t understand at all, and some days it would just be him. Finn secretly liked those days the best, for reasons he decided not to analyze too closely. Poe chatted easily about whatever topic was on his mind, and never begrudged Finn for not understanding certain things. Poe was always patient with him when he asked about something the First Order had shielded him from.

“Wait, people keep them in their houses? Like, they just live together?”

Poe chuckled easily, “Yeah, a lot of people have pets! It’s just like, a little buddy, but it’s an animal of some sort. Like BB8, but they can’t talk, and they’re not as smart. That’s what it’s like to have an animal around. Pets aren’t technically allowed on base – something about limited resources – but I think Jess has a secret porg in her quarters.” Poe pulled up some porg videos on the holoscreen and Finn’s eyes bugged.

“That’s ADORABLE! I totally understand now.” Poe lit up at Finn’s enjoyment and started finding other common pet animals to show him.

“Wait, if Jess has a pet, don’t you technically have one too?” Finn interrupted Poe’s ramblings, who looked dumbstruck by the question.

“Uh, no, no that’s not really how it works.” Poe laughed it off and continued talking about his childhood pet – some kind of tiny feline species native to Yavin 4. He had named it Falcon, after the Millenium Falcon he grew up hearing stories about, which made Finn grin. _A pilot even from the youngest._

Later that night, after Poe had been shuffled out by one of the med droids, Finn considered his earlier comment. “That’s not really how it works.” Maybe Poe and Jess were in the early stages of their relationship. Or maybe there was a specific one-to-one bonding pattern between pets and owners. His head swam with the amount of cultural norms he would have to learn from the ground up. The pain medicine also probably contributed to his feeling of disorientation. But underlying that was a wash of contentment that always followed conversations with Poe. Soaking in that feeling, Finn dozed easily.

 

At long last, Kalonia gave him the okay to leave med-bay. He was restricted from any labor for another few weeks, and he had regular physical therapy appointments that he was _not_ looking forward to, but he was so thrilled to leave med-bay he couldn’t stop smiling. Poe was there when the doctor officially discharged him, one hand on the back of Finn’s new repulsorchair, with a grin big enough to mirror Finn’s.

“These are your pain pills, you can take up to 4 per day, but if you feel like you don’t need them you can take fewer. Always take them with food, okay? Never on an empty stomach.” Finn took a small, yellowish bottle from the doctor and nodded, committing her instructions to memory. Finn didn’t notice Poe also looking focused, nodding along. “And this is some bactacream, that’ll help with the scarring. You need to apply this to your back once a day. It’s probably easiest right before you go to bed.”

Finn took the thin white tube from the doctor, mind locking onto one word.  “Bed?” _Is there even a bed for me here?_ He looked up to Kalonia, who raised her eyebrows at Poe.

“Hey, uh, buddy-“ Poe ran a hand through his curls “I was thinking, since you don’t have a room assignment yet and I have a big swanky Squadron Leader room, if you wanted to bunk with me for a while, at least until you get your footing here, we could get an extra cot put in, and I could kinda show you around for your first few days – or, weeks, well whatever you need, but! Of course, only if you want, if you feel like you need a single room to be alone or whatever, I’m sure I could talk to the quartermaster about—“

“I’d love to bunk with you, Poe.” Finn’s heart glowed softly at the offer. “But, wait, won’t Jess mind?”

Poe’s brow furrowed, “Why would _Jess_ care?” Finn put his hands up in surrender, silently offering to drop the subject. _I must really have no idea how dating works in the real world._ Poe laughed and saluted Kalonia, winging Finn’s chair around and out of med-bay.

“Okay, let me be the first to say, Welcome to The D’Qar Resistance Base!” Poe’s voice became much more animated, as if he was giving a tour to a crowd of fresh recruits instead of just one half-functional ex-stormtrooper. Poe pushed Finn’s chair down a long, rounded hallway, narrating each door they passed. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see one of Poe’s hands gesticulating broadly along with his narration. “That door leads to Engineering. That’s a storage closet, I think. That’s a stairwell that’ll take you down to the laundry room. That one leads to the Strategy Department, all the Resistance heads meet in offices down there and go over intelligence and that kind of stuff. That hall leads to the barracks, I’ll show you my room – well, our room now! – in a bit. Also down that way is the mess hall, which serves the absolute worst food in the galaxy!” Poe’s chipper delivery of that fact made Finn laugh quietly through his nose. “I’ll take you down to mess to grab some food in a minute, but I want you to see something first.” Finn looked over his shoulder to see Poe’s eyes sparkling with excitement. The man’s energy was infectious, and Finn drummed his fingers on the arms of his repulsorchair.

“Ta Da! Welcome to hangar 4!” Poe said with a flourish as he pushed Finn’s chair into a resonant hall full of X-wings. Finn had certainly seen larger hangars, housing bigger ships with more firepower, but what made his eyes pop was the level of activity. In all his years mopping the floors of First Order hangars, he’d observed the patterns. Maintenance came at 0730 to run ship diagnostics. Pilots came in at 0900 to check calibrations, and all drills and routine missions were scheduled for 1000, with ships returning promptly at 1900. Everyone in the hangar quietly filed in and out like clockwork, giving the cavernous rooms a sense of computerization.

The resistance hangar looked more like a giant toddler had upended its toy box. Ships were parked at all angles, at uneven intervals. Tools were strewn across the floor while pilots in all manner of dress worked repairs. People hung around each other’s ships, casually chatting before dinner. Droids weaved smoothly around the mess, chattering away in binary. Finn didn’t know where to look first, the echoing of hundreds of voices overstimulating him. He tried to lock in on Poe, who was still beaming and chattering away.

“… and over 80 X-wings, piloted by all kinds of beings! And here, well, here’s my baby.” Poe left the helm of Finn’s chair to approach a sleek, black T-70 X-wing with orange stripes on each of her four wings. Poe reverently ran his hands over the nose of the ship. “Finn, meet Black One. This baby has been with me since the Cold War.” The love in his dark eyes shone brightly, and something tugged at Finn’s heart.

A chirrup from above drew Poe’s attention. “Buddy! Are you running some diagnostics for tomorrow’s drills?” An answering chirrup and a whirring mechanism revealed BB8 in the astromech port. Poe’s grin broadened, and Finn noticed him still gently rubbing his hands along the smooth surface of the ship. “Yes, you _are_ the best droid in the galaxy. How’s she looking?” BB8 trilled away for almost a full minute, and Poe nodded along. Something BB8 said made his hands move faster. Poe’s response to BB8 was just as incomprehensible to Finn as the binary, technical terms flying right over his head.

“Hey, Dameron!” A beefy, bearded mountain of a man lumbered over. Poe’s eyes lit up and he barreled into a full-body hug.

“Finn, this is my friend Temmin Wexley.”  Poe said after resurfacing.

The giant held out a hand to Finn, “Everyone calls me Snap.” Finn looked haltingly at the hand.

Poe nodded to the outstretched hand. “Give ‘im yours.” Finn nodded and hurriedly put his hand in Snap’s. They shook.

“Well, good to meet you, Finn. I just wanted to say hey before I fly out tonight. General’s got me running reconnaissance in some godsforsaken sector, should be away for a week or so.”

Poe nodded and slapped the larger man on the shoulder. “Fly tight, Snap.”

Snap rolled his eyes. “I always do.” Poe reached to hug Snap again, and they stayed interlocked for almost a full five seconds. Finn examined the ease in Poe’s face while he was completely surrounded by the larger man.

_Is… is this a normal level of platonic touching? It can’t be… Homosexuality is less common but it’s not completely unheard of… maybe Poe is-_

The hangar doors swung open at that moment, and a hush fell over the room as three X-wings and a freighter swung inside. A ship almost like Poe’s settled onto a landing port near Black One. Poe watched the loading ramp disengage, and he trotted over to a small women disembarking from the ship. She lodged her helmet under her arm and ran a hand through a shock of white hair that contrasted with her dark skin. Once her eyes landed on Poe, she brightened visibly. Poe reached her and picked her up to swing her around. Finn drove his repulsorchair closer, and he could hear them both laughing.

“Karé, that must have been the longest supply run in history! Kriff I missed you!” Poe let Karé regain her footing, but did not remove his arms from around her shoulders. Finn was wary of the distance between them, thinking of Jess. Or Snap? Or-

“Yeah, yeah, I would have been home days ago except _some_ body messed up our clearance paperwork.” She raised her voice to shout across the hangar, “Isn’t that right, Quun?!” Finn saw a lanky Duros wave sheepishly from their own loading ramp. Finn tried not to ogle the non-human, despite having never seen a Duros in person.

Poe shifted his grip on Karé to a similar posture he often assumed with Jess – one hand across her shoulders, rubbing circles in the fabric of her flight suit. She had a hand on the back of his head, fussing with his curls, and Poe looked fit to melt as he walked them over to Finn’s repulsorchair. Finn couldn’t decide what to make of that.

“Finn, this is my good friend Karé Kun. She’s been flying with me since, kriff, since we left the Republic.” Poe spoke with obvious pride.

“Don’t you dare say how many years ago that was, Dameron. Just because you _look_ your age doesn’t mean the rest of us do.” Karé ribbed lightheartedly.

Finn cocked his head, not even having considered that. “How old are you, Poe?”

Poe flushed a bit, turning to Karé, “This is Finn, rebel stormtrooper who rescued me from the Finalizer and casually survived a lightsaber duel with Keeley Ron.” Karé chuckled at Poe’s purposeful mispronunciation of the name before crouching down to Finn’s eye level.

“Thanks for saving his hide. We don’t know what we’d do without him. And, uh,” she leaned a bit closer to Finn, lowering her voice. “He’s 32.” Her wry smile only grew when Poe swatted at the back of her head. She gamely ducked his follow-up attack and poked his side, which made him recoil quickly.

“Love to stay and chat but, debrief calls!” Karé leaned into Poe for a goodbye side-hug. Poe planted a quick kiss to the side of her helmet-hair, which she smiled and leaned into. She waved to Finn and then trotted off with her helmet still under her arm.

_A kiss has got to outrank an arm around the shoulders. Maybe Poe is with Karé and the others are just… I don’t even know._

Finn started out of his thoughts when he realized Poe was waiting for him to say something. “Wha?”

“I asked you how old you are, buddy?” Poe tried to hide the nervous tension in his forehead, but failed. Another giveaway was the way his fingers fluttered aimlessly at his sides, nothing to latch onto.

Finn considered. “I’d say that I entered the ranks as a fully trained Stormtrooper about 3 years ago.” Poe stared at him blankly as if that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. Finn continued, “So, probably around 23?”

Poe blinked hard a few times. “’About’? ‘Probably’? What do you mean, do you not know your birthday?” Finn just shrugged, and realization dawned in Poe’s eyes. Of course Stormtroopers didn’t have birthdays, who would bother to track that data? Development and ability to handle various levels of physical strain was all that mattered. An angry vein pulsed in Poe’s neck.

“Well, fuck that!” Poe huffed with pseudo-cheerful finality. He grabbed the handles on Finn’s repulsorchair and steered him towards the door they came from. “Pick a day, any day, and we’ll celebrate it as your birthday once a year.”

Finn thought for a second. “Well, how about the day we got off Finalizer? That was the day you named me. If I’m gonna be celebrating the years of my life as ‘Finn’, that would be day 1, right?”

Finn heard Poe clear his throat a few times before replying wetly, “Yeah, that sounds good, buddy.” A quick look over his shoulder showed Finn that Poe’s eyes, averted from Finn’s gaze, were shining with emotion. Poe’s hand landed heavily on Finn’s shoulder, and Finn recognized the sensation of Poe fiddling with the fabric of his shirt. Finn felt the tugging sensation in his chest that so far he only associated with Poe.

“Poe, can I ask you something? Kinda personal?” Finn hedged.

Poe answered, totally unfazed. “Of course, buddy. I’m an open book! Ask away.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Hah! Uhh…”

“Or a boyfriend?? I don’t mean to pry, I was just wondering. I’ve only heard a few things about the way humanoid species … you know, pair off, and one of the hallmarks is physical affection, so at first I thought you were with Jess-“ Finn was cut off by a shout of laughter from Poe.

“ME? And JESSIKA PAVA?!” Poe had to stop pushing the repulsorchair to catch his breath, he was laughing so hard.

“Well, Snap, then? Or Karé?” Finn felt a hot flush creeping up his neck that he was grateful Poe wouldn’t notice through his teary eyes. Poe only laughed harder.

“Finn, those are my _friends!_ I’m not dating any of them, just because we hug and joke around doesn’t mean we’re—“ he couldn’t even finish the sentence without laughing.

Finn looked at a loss, and once Poe regained his composure, he changed his demeanor entirely. He crouched down to be at Finn’s eye level.

“I don’t mean to laugh so hard, it’s just… It’s extra funny because Jess and I are both gay. We’re opposite gay of each other.” Poe wiped some mirthful tears from his eyes, laughter finally subsiding. “I’m just a really touch-oriented person. You might see me fiddling with things because I like the texture, or reaching out to be close to my friends. It’s all platonic, though, at least with all of them. If you’re comfortable sharing that kind of contact, I’d go ahead and extend that behavior to you.” Poe raised his eyebrows, obviously expecting a response.

Finn nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Another warm flush blossomed in Finn’s cheeks as Poe, beaming, entwined their hands together. Poe’s thumb traced tiny circles on the back of Finn’s hand. Finn marveled at the ease with which Poe extended this part of himself to everyone. Finn, who had never experienced a friendly touch, found the experience very intimate, almost as if it were shameful to do this out in the open. They stayed just like that, enjoying a small point of contact, until their rumbling stomachs egged them on towards mess.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second thing Finn learned about Poe Dameron was that he was Yavinian. Very Yavinian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: substances (they go to a party. nothing too crazy)

Finally, they arrived at the mess hall, and if Finn thought the hanger was busy and disorganized – wow. Crowds moved senselessly around, people shouting and joking with each other, sometimes even food items flying from table to table. The amount of food on the tables was _absurd,_ and everyone was drinking either a bubbly, brightly colored liquid, or a tan, steaming beverage _._

“Are we celebrating something?” Finn turned to Poe.

Poe shrugged, “No, why?”

Finn gaped openly, “There’s so much _food!_ Does everyone get fed like this every _day??”_ Poe blanched at his question, pushing the chair to the end of a mostly unoccupied table. He plopped down onto the seat closest to the end where he’d parked Finn.

“Buddy, don’t tell me the First Order never fed you?” Poe furrowed his brow, concerned.

Finn scoffed. “Of course they fed us, I’m alive, aren’t I? We just got some special kind of ration bar every morning; they had all the calories and nutrients we needed for the whole day. I don’t even think star destroyers _have_ mess halls.”

Poe’s expression darkened. “Esos hijos de _putas._ Comemierda _s!”_ Finn had no idea what Poe was muttering, but thankfully Jess swung in to the rescue.

“Uh oh, Poe’s speaking Yavinian again.” Her chipper tone helped Finn relax and she sat herself across from Poe, on Finn’s direct right. She dropped a tray absolutely _loaded_ with food on the table before her, and started to tuck in. “Ugh, I kriffing _hate_ nerf.”

“Jess, Finn nunca ha comido ningun comida real, es increible. Solo raciones, todo su vida” Poe continued to mumble darkly as Jess’ eyes widened at Finn.

“You’ve never eaten _food_ before?!”

Finn’s eyes got big in response. “You can _understand_ him like that?!”

Jess shook her head. “Here, man, take my tray. I’ll get more. Kriff, ration bars your entire life?!” Jess shoved the tray full of food in Finn’s direction and wandered back over to the far side of the mess hall, where the kitchens must be.

Poe shook his head “Man, forget what I said about this being the worst food in the galaxy. At least we get three hot meals a day. I will never complain about mess hall again.” He muttered quietly to himself.

Finn’s mouth watered at the smell of all the foods in front of him. He looked around for clues, and saw most people eating the fluffy white mass with a fork. Nodding gently, he scooped some into his mouth. His eyes immediately widened. “What the Force?!” He exclaimed with his mouth full.

Poe’s mood brightened when he saw Finn’s expression. “You like that stuff? Mashed potatoes. It’s one of the easiest crops in the galaxy to grow, so basically every inhabited world has some variety of it on the menu.” Poe clapped Finn’s shoulder gently, conscious of his wounds. “I’m gonna grab my own tray – do you want a drink? Soda? Caf?” Finn’s eyes boggled, mouth still full of the fluffed starch, and Poe chuckled. “I’ll grab you a bit of each so you can try.”

As Poe sauntered away, getting distracted multiple times by friends and colleagues calling out “hello”s, Jess came back with another loaded tray. Jess chatted with Finn about the origins of different foods on the tray, and like Poe, complained much less than usual about the nerf-and-potatoes meal before her. Soon after, Karé trotted up with her own tray, with a man and two other women in tow.

“Finn, this is my partner Iolo Arana.” The man saluted Finn loosely and sat himself at the table. “And these are the Tico sisters. Paige,” the taller one nodded casually before sitting next to Poe’s vacant seat, “and Rose.” The smaller one, ostensibly younger, looked at him with wide eyes.

“You’re FN2187?”

Finn flinched a bit at the identifier. “Not anymore, I’m not.” He asserted.

“Right! Oh, of course not! Sorry, Finn. I just – wow.”

“Sorry” The older sister, Paige, cut in. “She gets like this around resistance heroes. You should have seen the first time she met Poe. Total heart-eyes.”

“I WAS NOT!” Rose flushed deeply and sat at the far end of the group. Finn decided he liked her the best so far.

The conversation wound around everyone’s latest missions, who hooked up with who in the pilot’s common room – _I think “hooking up” has some connotations I’m not getting –_ and landed on the topic of a party.

Poe finally returned with _two_ full trays of multiple glasses full of colored drinks. He set the drinks in front of Finn and explained that each color matched up with a fruity flavor and he could pick his favorite. After lining up all of FInn's cups to taste, Poe was left with only one steaming mug in front of him and nothing else.

“Dameron, you can’t exist _solely_ on caf, you know that right?”

“I can’t eat nerf, Jess! It’s a Bad Texture. Capital B, Capital T.” Jess rolled her eyes while he barreled on. “Did someone say something about a party?”

“Hernando proposed to Isaac and he said yes!” Paige gushed. “He’s gonna bust out that bottle of Corellian rum he’s been saving for forever.”

“Oh _hell_ yes. Somebody stop me when I’ve had… twelve… okay?” Paige threw a leafy green thing at Poe’s head, who laughed.

Jess sighed, “It was so romantic. When will some hot resistance butch _ever?”_ Poe sent a sidelong glance at Karé, who rolled her eyes.

“In your dreams, Pava.”

“Well, one thing’s for sure, both of those boys are Yavinian, so this is gonna be the best party this base has ever seen.” Poe shimmied a little bit to music only he could hear. The table laughed along with Poe but Finn felt like his head was swimming. _Propose? Rum? Butch?_

Poe made eye contact with Finn, sensing his distress. He took a quick swig of his caf and translated quickly. “Hernando and Isaac have been dating for a while and they decided to get married. They’ll throw a big party, like the one tonight but _bigger,_ get up in front of all their friends and family, and promise to love each other forever. Tonight, we’ll get together, we’ll sing and dance, people will get a little drunk, but you don’t have to drink the alcohol if you don’t want to. It’ll be fun, you should come if you want.” Everyone at the table nodded warmly, and Finn felt much less lost.

“That sounds wonderful. That people here celebrate love. The First Order didn’t allow troopers to form relationships at all. I saw a couple once go in for reconditioning because they’d fallen in love.” Finn shuddered, not even able to imagine the horrors of reconditioning. Poe reached out a sympathetic hand to rest on Finn’s. Finn smiled up at him, once more grounded in the here and now.

“But, uh… what’s a ‘butch’?” Finn asked. Jess nearly choked on her caf.

 

Later, Poe was pushing Finn back to his – well, their – room in a companionable silence. Poe’s hands slid smoothly across the plasticoid handles of the repulsorchair. _Back, forth, back, forth._

“I really like your friends, Poe.”

Poe hummed, pleased. “They’re _our_ friends now, buddy. Mis cosas son tus cosas.”

“I like hearing you speak Yavinian but I have no idea what you’re saying.” Finn said apologetically.

He felt more than heard the chuckle rumbling from Poe. “Sorry, buddy. I know not everyone understands it but I like the way it sounds. It’s just easy to fall back into sometimes. Especially when I get emotional, like earlier in the mess hall? I was basically just cursing out the First Order for treating its troopers so shittily. I knew they were monsters but… no real food?! If my dad heard that he’d probably explode on the spot. You can’t go three hours on Yavin 4 before someone new is trying to feed you.” Poe muttered quietly for another second before snapping himself back to his original point. “Speaking Yavinian for a second helps me cool down. Luckily, Jess has some distant family on one of Yavin’s other moons, so she can mostly understand me.”

“That makes sense. I’d like to learn Yavinian, too. Oh, and binary! I can never understand BB8 when they talk.” Finn looked back to see Poe grinning dreamily, twisting his hands a bit faster over the chair’s handles.

“I’d love to teach you, buddy. Here, this is us.” Poe keyed a code into the panel on the wall and a door _whooshed_ open. Finn drove himself forward into a _huge_ room with a big bed and a smallish cot, an open pocket in the wall being used as a closet, and a door across the room from where they entered.

“It’s not much, but it’s home. Fresher is there.” Poe pointed to the door Finn had just noticed and he drove the chair forward to investigate.

“’Not much’? This is amazing! You have a private fresher?!” Finn ogled the small room with a shower, a toilet, and a swing-out sink.

Poe huffed a laugh. “Perks of being a captain.” He wandered over to where BB8 was charging and scratched the droid’s dome. “Hey buddy.” The droid booped something in response, and Poe chuckled.

Finn examined the rest of the room. There was a tiny plant hanging from the ceiling above Poe’s bed, with tinier and tinier plants cascading from each leaf. There were pictures hung on the walls, some of people in flight suits, some of a smiling older couple, some just of ship blueprints and specs. There was an oddly-shaped wooden object propped in the corner. Overall, the room was very _Poe._ Finn felt a bit like an intruder, embarrassed at the cavalier way Poe displayed his personality.

“What’s that?”

“That’s my guitar! It’s a musical instrument.” Poe picked it up and slung a support strap over his head. With deft movements, he strummed out a few chords. Finn was transfixed.

“I’ll bring it to the party tonight, I know a few good Yavinian songs.” The tugging feeling in Finn’s heart was threatening to break through his ribcage.

Poe tossed the guitar back down and hopped onto his bed. “So, I figure you probably have a bunch of questions about, well, life, and maybe you don’t want to ask me all of them. Not that I’m not happy to answer your questions! Like I said, I’m an open book, ask away. But, to give you a little more autonomy, here.” Poe pulled a holopad out of his beside drawers and handed it to Finn. “You can read all about the history of the resistance, anyone who has been part of it, planets, customs, species… You name it, wookiepedia’s got an article on it.” Poe smiled brightly before popping back up off his bed.

“If you’re good for a bit, I’m gonna hop in the shower. Need the fresher?”

Finn, still dumbfounded, shook his head slowly. Poe slipped out of the room quietly and left Finn to investigate some of the questions that had been floating through his head since he woke up on D’Qar.

_“Love”_

_[Love is an emotional connection between sentient beings. Categories include familial love,_ _platonic love , romantic love, or some combination. The proposed neurochemical mechanism in humanoid species involves the neurotr…] _

Finn looked up at the fresher door to check that Poe had truly left before clicking the link to romantic love.

_[Romantic love is an emotional connection between sentient beings. Individual beings may have certain preferences or requirements that must be met before romantic love can develop – see; sexual orientation, gender identity, demiromanticism – or some may…]_

Finn’s eyes started to cross a bit. There was so much to _know._ He clicked the link to sexual orientation.

_[Sexual Orientation describes a being’s inherent preference for a specific sex or gender, with regards to romantic or sexual relationships. Common identifiers include heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual. More identifiers are needed in certain circumstances, such as non-humanoid species with many biological sexes. Sexual orientation can also describe a being’s preference in relationship structures – see; monogamy, polyamory...]_

Finn bit his lip, nervous, and clicked the link to homosexuality. His eyes flickered to the fresher door again, not sure how he would explain his interest in this topic if Poe came out and read over his shoulder.

[ _Homosexuality is a being’s inherent preference to engage in romantic and sexual relationships with members of a similar gender – see; gender identity. Homosexuality is illegal and punishable to some degree on the following planets…]_

_Illegal? To fall in love? That’s just as bad as the First Order!_

Finn read the entire article, including some rather graphic details on humanoid mating patterns – that part made his stomach turn in an unpleasant way. It had never even occurred to Finn which gender(s) he’d ideally like to date, and now that he read that people in relationships were supposed to have sex, he thought maybe dating was the last thing he wanted right now. But the thought of growing old alone while all of his friends paired off and settled down filled him with dread.  

Finn heard the shower shut off and quickly tabbed back to the original page. “Love”. He clicked on the link to “platonic love”, feeling as though he was returning to a safe zone. Reading this article made him think of Rey, and a warm smile spread across his face. He hoped she was doing well in her Jedi training, but damn did he miss her. After completing that article, he stared blankly at the screen while snippets from the previous articles swirled in his head. He hadn’t even followed the links about gender and polyamory, and he was sure those articles were going to make his head spin even more.

Speaking of making his head spin, Poe chose that moment to waltz out of the fresher in a cloud of steam, a towel slung around his hips, wet hair clinging to his forehead. Finn blanched, eyes roving over Poe’s toned abdomen and his defined shoulders. Finn wanted to reach out and trace over the many scars that danced across his chest and arms, including two huge slices under his pectoral muscles. Poe was humming under his breath and almost looked startled to see Finn sitting right where he left him.

“Oh! Hey, do you want to shower? Or anything?” Finn opened his mouth and closed it again a few times before Poe assumed a rogueish smile. “Anything _at all.”_ Poe winked, trying to embody the hotshot flyboy he was known as, but Finn could see a blush spreading up his neck.

“Once I’m dressed we can head to the common room for the party!” Poe grabbed a pile of clothes from out of his closet and disappeared into the fresher to change. Finn dropped his head into his hands.

He was so kriffing _sunk._

 

~Oye, la vida tiene mil colores~

Finn only heard the opening line of the new song before Poe started shouting, his hands gently flapping at his sides.

“I love this song! Dance with me!” Poe pulled Finn’s repulsorchair away from the wall and took Finn’s hands. Finn, unable to do much while remaining seated, let his head bob with the rhythm. By the time the chorus started, Poe was singing along with gusto.

“Qué bonito amanecer cada mañana  
Qué bonitos tus ojitos de esperanza  
Qué bonito estar con gente que te ama  
Tenerte conmigo  
Tenerte conmigo  
  
Qué bonito es vivir sin tanto drama  
Qué bonito es el amor que me regalas  
Qué bonito es entender que nada falta  
Estando contigo  
Estando contigo”

Poe swung Finn’s chair around gently for a while before releasing his grip on Finn’s hands. He started to sway with the music independently, hips winding and eyes closed. He was hypnotic to watch, and Finn could tell that everyone thought so – based on how he kept occasionally sucking some other being into his orbit. Finn’s mouth went dry as his eyes tracked Poe’s movements. _How does he make his shoulders_ do _that??_

When the final chorus kicked in, Poe found himself dancing close with Isaac. Their bodies were pressed flush, foreheads resting together, hands around each other’s shoulders. Finn’s eyes flickered nervously to Hernando, who was approaching the duo, but he was smiling. He rested a hand on Isaac’s back, who turned around and greeted him with a kiss. The couple each put their arms around Poe and together the three of them belted the last few lines of the Yavinian song as loud as they could. When the song’s final chords dissolved into the air, most of the room clapped. Hernando and Isaac each kissed Poe on the cheek at the same time, and Poe honest-to-gods _giggled._ Finn thought his chest was going to explode at that very moment.

The music and the dancing and the drinking continued. Finn, chair-bound and socially inept, was happy to watch from the sidelines. A while passed before Poe trotted up to where Finn was seated, sweating a bit and absolutely glowing. “You having fun, buddy? Want a drink?” Poe jostled a clear glass of a sap-colored liquid, extending it to Finn.

Gingerly taking the glass, he brought it to his lips. It smelled like rocket fuel, but everyone here was drinking it, so with a shrug, Finn took a swig.

And spit almost all of it right back out. “Kriff, that’s _horrible!_ It’s even worse than caf!” Poe threw his head back with laughter, almost losing his balance. This was obviously not his first drink of the night.

“No worries, buddy, it’s not for everyone.” Poe downed the remnants of the glass and set the empty aside. Around them, the party had started to wind down. Hernando and Isaac were conspicuously missing, and someone had changed the music to just low-frequency basslines, which were easy to talk over.

Finn spotted Jess sitting close with a being he didn’t recognize. Poe followed his sightline and his eyebrows shot up. “I think they’re smoking over there, c’mon.” Poe pushed Finn’s chair over to the couch where Jess leaned away from the being that Finn recognized as a Twi’lek, although he’d never seen one before outside of training simulations.

The Twi’lek leaned their head back and emitted a thick cloud of smoke from their mouth, and Finn saw Jess do the same a moment later. Poe plopped onto the couch next to Jess and tapped her on the shoulder. She wordlessly passed a long, thin object to Poe, who placed it gently between his lips. The Twi’lek passed over a lighter and Poe lit the far end until it was red and smoldering. He took a long drag and sighed out a mouthful of smoke with a serene expression.

“Do you want to smoke, Finn?” Poe held out both of his hands, offering.

“I wouldn’t even know how.” Finn spluttered.

Poe shrugged easily. “It’s pretty straightforward. Put the joint in your mouth, inhale deep while you light it, hold the smoke in your lungs for a sec, and exhale. This stuff is a bit like alcohol where it won’t affect you if you just have a little taste, but if you smoke a lot, you’ll get high. If you smoke a _whole_ lot, it can get you on a whole different plane.” Jess nodded and made a _whoosh_ motion with her hand, as if it and only it was ascending.

Finn was comforted by the suggestion that one little taste wouldn’t affect him, so he followed Poe’s instructions to a T. He struggled to hold the smoke in his lungs for more than a second though, and it all came out in a rush as Finn coughed and coughed. Poe patted him on the back, ever conscious of the scar, and assured him: “This always happens the first couple times.”

“Why the kriff is everyone so excited to get drunk and high when it’s so _difficult?”_

That made everyone on the couch laugh. The Twi’lek took the joint from Finn’s hands and Poe rested a hand on Finn’s knee. “It’s not for everybody. Nobody is gonna press you into stuff you don’t want to do.” Finn nodded, heartened, and sat with the group while they smoked. Once the joint had been burned all the way down, Karé drowsed over to them carrying a guitar, Iolo close behind her.

“I do believe someone promised us a song.” She unceremoniously dropped the instrument on Poe’s lap, and then perched herself on the arm of the couch. Poe chuckled, pretending to be embarrassed, and strummed a few chords. Someone turned the music off completely and the remainder of the partiers gathered around the couch.

Poe’s eyes slipped shut as he launched into a lilting Yavinian song. Poe’s voice was smooth like the hull of black one, but warm like the sun filtering through the leaves on Takodana. Without understanding the lyrics, Finn understood that it was a bittersweet song. Maybe about losing someone, maybe just about missing them. When Poe launched into the last chorus, his eyes slid open and found Finn, as if he were the only person in the room.

“Mis deseos por verte hoy me han vuelto a visitar

En mi mente te apareces en cada despertar

La distancia impacienta y yo puedo enseñarnos a esperar

Entre preguntas que no haré y respuestas que aún no llegan

La certeza de un te quiero se encuentra firme pero en espera

Que el misterio de tus ojos me revele lo que piensas, lo que sientes, lo que callas, lo que anhelas, lo que sueñas”

Poe strummed the final few chords and the observers who were still awake applauded lightly. Poe even cracked a yawn, himself.

“I think that’s it for me tonight, team. Everyone get back to their rooms safely.” Poe made to stand up, wobbled a bit, and then teetered forward towards Finn. Finn’s hands shot up to catch him, and Poe chuckled. “You can’t even walk yet and you’re already taking care of my crossfaded ass.”

Finn gently guided Poe back to their room, one hand on his elbow while the other drove his chair. Finn punched in the key that he’d memorized from earlier, and helped Poe topple into his own bed.

“Gracias, cariño. Te quiero.” Poe’s muffled voice emanated through his pillow. Finn shook his head warmly, hefting himself from the repulsorchair into the cot across the room.

_I have got to learn Yavinian._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The third thing Finn learned about Poe is that he’s trans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: administering T (mentions of needles)

Finn woke up with a splitting pain in his back. _Oh shit, my medicine._

He reached out for where he’d set it on the bedside table yesterday, hand landing on the smooth pill bottle. _Not until I eat, she said._ He picked up the tube of cream instead, but no matter how he angled himself, he couldn’t reach his scar. Pain lanced up his shoulder with every new twist and turn, so eventually he gave up. He huffed out a frustrated breath. _How long am I going to be completely dependent on someone else?_

Poe, maybe sensing Finn’s waking, started to rouse himself. Finn looked over to see the man toss, turn, slam his head back into the pillow, and groan lowly.

“Me duele la cabezaaaa” Poe pressed his hands into his eyelids. “BB8, que hora es?” The droid bleeped something short from their charging port, and Poe groaned again before letting his eyes fall open on Finn. “Oh, shit! Sorry if I woke you, I’m so used to living in here by myself.”

Finn shook his head, “I’ve been up for a little while. What did you just say?”

“Oh, I have a headache.” Poe started to sit up, wincing against the motion. “One of the unpleasant aftereffects of drinking alcohol.”

Finn had to stop himself from laughing. “Wow, you are really not selling me on the idea of ever getting drunk.”

Poe laughed quietly, teetering to the fresher and returning with a glass of water. “It’s fun while you’re drunk, it’s just the getting there. And the return trip.” Poe crossed to sit on the cot near Finn’s feet. Finn turned so they were facing one another. “I uh… Don’t remember getting back here last night?”

Finn’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow, you must have been much drunker than you seemed! Well, we came here right after you played that Yavinian song, and you pretty much passed out right away.”

Poe nodded, considering, “I remember the singing bit. Did I, uh… say anything weird. Last night?”

“You said a couple things in Yavinian, but I didn’t catch them. ‘Gracias’? Maybe?” Finn shrugged, wincing again at the tightness in his shoulders.

“Oh, hey, your meds! Here, I have a ration bar in one of my drawers, you can have that – just so you can take your pill.” Poe rummaged through the drawers and Finn’s heart glowed. _He remembered._ Finn gratefully inhaled the ration bar as if it were nothing, and then leaned over to grab the pill bottle.

He swallowed one of the pills easily, and regarded the glass of water Poe held out with confusion.

“It’s to wash down the medicine. If any little pieces of the pill get stuck in your throat it can be pretty bad for you.” Poe watched him take a sip of water, and then downed the rest of the glass himself.

A warmth settled in Finn’s chest. Not only was Poe helping him in basically every way possible, he genuinely cared about Finn’s wellbeing.

“Can I bother you for one more favor?” Finn’s eyes fell to his lap, sure that Poe would think he expected too much.

“You need help with your bactacream, right?” Poe caught Finn’s eyes with an easy shrug. “No problem. Lay on your stomach.”

Before his nerves could convince him otherwise, Finn laid down with his face in his pillow. He would become grateful for the excuse to hide his face because when Poe’s hands gently lifted his shirt up to uncover his back – wow. It occurred to Finn that no one had _ever_ laid a hand on his back. Not even through the Stormtrooper armor. He hummed happily when Poe’s hands slid down from his shoulders, applying firm pressure to his tense muscles. He stopped himself flinching when Poe’s hands traced the scar, where the skin was most sensitive. Finn, busy hiding his own reaction, did not get to see the reverence in Poe’s eyes as he traced Finn’s scar, and then the muscles around the scar. Finn’s skin was so soft, smooth, with just the right amount of give, and Poe wanted to let his hands roam for _ever._

Grabbing the bactacream, Poe snapped himself out of his reverie and quickly treated Finn’s wound. “There ya go. All set for today.” Poe hopped up to rustle through one of the drawers. “And this is actually a great reminder to take… aha!” Poe pulled out a bag with a few tiny bottles of liquid and some needles.

Finn rolled to his side, careful not to disturb the freshly applied bactacream on his back, watching Poe’s well-measured movements. He easily manipulated the cotton swabs, needles, syringes, and bottles, as if he’d done this a thousand times. “What medication is that?”

“Testosterone.” Poe smiled up at Finn from his little operation before refocusing on his upper thigh, where he easily injected the medication. He popped the cap back onto the needle and set it aside, returning the rest of his tools to the drawer they came from.

“What does it do?” Finn thought he’d heard of testosterone, but he didn’t remember it being referred to as a medication.

Poe rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. “It’s… uh, it’s a hormone that helps me present more masculine, basically. It’s for trans guys.” Noting Finn’s blank stare, Poe barreled on. _Of course he doesn’t know what trans means._ “So, when I was born, the doctor looked at my anatomy and decided I was probably a girl. Gender and biological sex aren’t directly linked but more often than not they do align, just not for me. I’m a boy, obviously, but my… uh, biology, hadn’t quite caught up to that. So I take this medication, it helps me look more like a typical guy. Before I started on T my voice was higher, I couldn’t grow facial hair, all that stuff. It just… it helps.” Poe had been looking everywhere except at Finn while he came out to him, but when silence fell between them, he nervously scanned Finn’s face. Unreadable, as ever.

Finn, mostly confused, nodded slowly. “I don’t completely understand, I don’t think, but I’m glad you have what you need.” He smiled up at Poe. _I have_ so _much more research to do._

Nerves melted into relief and Poe sighed happily. “I do. I’m sure this is all kind of overwhelming, never having heard about this in the First Order, but I’m happy to answer any questions you have.”

“Why are you doing all this for me?” Finn’s question came out of left field and Poe needed a second to recalibrate.

“Uhhhh…?”

“I mean, like, you always visited me in med-bay, you introduced me to all your friends, you gave up your big nice single room to share with me, and ever since I got out you’ve been showing me around, helping me learn about life on the base, helping me with my medicine, and… Why?”

Poe’s eyes softened. “Buddy, none of that is a hardship for me. I like hanging out with you, my friends like hanging out with you. I like having you here, in my room. That’s not to say that you can’t go get your own room once you’re feeling a bit better, if you wanted, that is, but. Really, it’s my pleasure.”

“I’m… not a burden to you?” Finn’s thoughts swirled. No one had ever just enjoyed his company before. Well, maybe Rey, but they had been on a mission together. This was just… cohabitation.

Poe crossed the room and wrapped Finn in a sideways hug, resting his forehead above Finn’s ear. “You’re not a burden to _anyone.”_

They stayed like that, just enjoying the closeness, for a few moments.

“How do you say ‘thank you’ in Yavinian?”

“Gracias. Muchas gracias.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth thing Finn learned about Poe was that he’s autistic.

It was lunchtime in the mess hall. Finn was finally able to walk by himself these days, so he sat right next to Poe, rather than nudging his old repulsorchair into the edge of the table. Snap had returned from his mission the previous day, and it was the first time in a while the whole squadron was together. The atmosphere was lighthearted and the pilots joked easily with one another.

“Yeah well, the bomb squad is by far the best. You tiny little fighter jets would have _no chance_ if we didn’t swoop in and bomb the shit outta those star destroyers.” Paige emphatically leaned over the table, taunting the X-wing pilots.

Karé rolled her eyes “Maybe you just have a half-decent Squadron Leader, unlike us.” A wry smile indicated to Finn that she was kidding, but Poe’s eyes got wide like saucers.

“She’s being sarcastic, Poe.” Snap muttered quietly, and Karé nodded. Poe grinned, understanding the joke now.

“Well none of you would get off the _ground_ without engineering. You’re welcome, all of you.” Rose performed a tiny bow for the group, and everyone shouted her down.

“Oh please, I could reverse engineer a ship with my eyes closed!” Poe boasted.

“Yeah well not all of us grew up with our nose in a book of A-wing specs. Some of us aren’t _giant_ nerds.” Jess shot across the table.

“Ex _cuse me_ Jess I’m? Autism??” Poe asserted with fake-offense, placing a hand over his heart. Everyone at the table laughed with him, except Finn who, as per ushe, had no fucking clue what was going on.

He leaned closer to Karé, who was sitting on his other side. “Autism?”

Karé nodded through a mouth full of food. “Yeah, Poe’s autistic. Did you not know that?”

Finn moved his head noncommittally, not quite nodding it or shaking it. “I just… don’t know what that word means.”

Karé furrowed her brow at him, and then her expression softened. “Yeah I’m sure the First Order doesn’t do much for disability education, huh?” She leaned over the table to get Poe’s attention directly. “Hey Poe, what’s autism?”

Poe raised an eyebrow at her before his gaze fell to Finn, and then he understood. “Oh, uh, autism is like a brain disorder. My mind works a little differently because I’m autistic. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by stimulus, sometimes there’s not _enough_ stimulus, I have really bad hearing, and I hyperfixate on stuff sometimes. Like ships, that’s my Special Interest. Capital S, Capital I. There’s more but, it’s different for everyone.”

“He rambles a lot.” Iolo offered.

“He sometimes misses out on sarcasm or other nonverbal jokes.” Snap contributed.

“He’s about as subtle as a bantha in a china shop” Karé joked.

“Okay okay, and all of that makes me everyone’s favorite captain, right?” Poe asked, half-joking. 

“You _are_ the heartthrob of the resistance.” Rose sighed.

“Yeah, and she would know!” Paige joked before catching an elbow to the side from her little sister. The table erupted into laughter.

Poe’s eyes settled on Finn’s. “Is it… is that okay?”

Finn spluttered “Of course it’s okay. I already knew and loved all those things about you, I just didn’t know there was a name for it.” Finn turned back to his tray as if he hadn’t just casually told Poe he loved everything about him. Poe flushed deeply and bumped their shoulders together.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fifth thing Finn learned about Poe was that he was in love with him

Poe was away on some recon mission and Finn was still not allowed to start training for another few days – Kalonia’s orders. To fill the time, Finn hung out with Jess and the other pilots, with Rose in engineering, and with some of the astromechs that hung around hangar 4, trying to pick up some binary. Mostly, Finn had been reading up on the holopad Poe gave him. He read the articles on transgender issues, autism, Yavin 4, anything he could learn to feel closer to Poe. The more he learned, the more he accepted that the tugging sensation in his heart was in fact romantic attraction.

_I’m falling in love with him._

He felt like the thought should scare him, but he felt so safe and secure with Poe, he was sure nothing bad would happen. Even if Poe didn’t reciprocate the feeling, Finn knew that Poe wouldn’t let that tarnish their friendship. Remaining friends wasn’t the most exciting prospect; now that Finn understood his feelings as romantic, he very much wanted to act on them. But the most important thing was keeping Poe in his life.

Finn spent more and more time theorizing what would be different between him and Poe if they started dating. He couldn’t really come up with much. They already lived together – although Poe had made it clear that Finn was free to find a different room if he needed space, neither of them seemed to want to part from each other. They already spent most of their time together. There was even a little bit of physicality between them – at least, as much as Poe shared with anyone. Casual touches, sideways hugs, held hands, things Finn had never experienced and Poe gave so freely. Supposedly, if they started dating, they would become more physically intimate. Finn considered kissing Poe and his heart stuttered happily. Poe’s lips had rapidly become one of Finn’s favorite imaginings, the dusky pink cupid’s bow that Finn just wanted to reach out and touch. He still felt a bit queasy about the sexual aspect, but he assumed that would come with time. He tried to avoid it, when he did his research.

He found himself daydreaming about the man in question on his way to the mess hall, and it was a full minute after he sat down that he suddenly realized all eyes were on him. “What?”

“We were talking about resistance crushes, but you looked like you were lightyears away.” Paige smirked.

“Oh, uh, what did everyone say?”

Jess piped up immediately “Well I’ve never met Rey but… phew! I’ve seen the holos.” She fanned herself gently. “Karé and Iolo are boring because they just picked each other. Snap and Paige both said Admiral Holdo. Rose said… uh… Poe.”

“I did not!” Rose flushed a deep red.

Finn smiled at her, “Then who?”

Rose’s flush deepened and she quickly broke Finn’s eye contact. “Nobody!”

Jess bumped Finn’s shoulder. “Now you pick.”

Finn narrowed his eyes at the group. His feelings were so new, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to broadcast them just yet. “I… uh… I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea of romantic attractions.” Most of the table nodded, buying his excuse. “But, just out of curiosity, how do you tell if someone likes you like that?”

Rose launched into a spiel that sounded half-rehearsed. “There’s a lot of nonverbal cues. Extended eye contact, increased touching. They’ll laugh and smile easier around you than around others. They’ll probably go out of their way to be around you.” Finn tried to keep a straight face while his stomach dropped. Poe was bad with nonverbal cues, he laughed and smiled and touched everyone a lot, and they lived together. How was Finn supposed to gauge if Poe wanted to be around him _more_ if they already spent all their time together?

Iolo leaned back and put an arm around Karé. “Or, if you’re thick as a bantha like me, sometimes they just have to come up and tell it to you straight.”

Karé chuckled lightly. “Yeah, Iolo’s completely flirting-illiterate, so after months of chasing each other in circles I just told him, ‘Hey, idiot! I want to date you!’”

Everyone chuckled at that and Jess muttered “Oh, mood.”

Finn thought about that one for a long time. It sounded almost too bold, but he supposed he might not have many other options.

 

It had been three days since Poe was scheduled to be home. He had missed the last few checkpoints and there was no news. The pilot’s table was hushed that morning at breakfast; the waiting was taking its toll on everyone. Jess stayed bright, trying to ensure everyone that “three days is nothing, he’ll swing in any time now and laugh at us all for being so dramatic” but her tone was hollow. Finn excused himself, suddenly not able to stomach the flatcakes which he usually adored. He wandered the base on autopilot, trying not to think too hard about any one thing. HE wound up back in their room, aimless, and looking at all the photos above Poe’s bed. He recognized a young Poe in one of the photos, where he was standing in his flight suit with Karé and Iolo and a few other pilots he didn’t recognize. Poe’s hair was a bit longer, his stature a bit different – softer. His chest was a bit bigger and his beard was conspicuously absent. _This must be before he started T._

The other photo was a picture of an older couple in a warm-looking kitchen. The woman had Poe’s facial features mostly, and the man looked out from the photo with Poe’s eyes. _His parents. They must be back on Yavin 4._ Finn started to imagine what Poe must have been like as a child. Fawning over ship specs with wide eyes, waking up in a house full of love every day. Finn felt a surge of wanting. Not that he wanted the childhood Poe had had – that ship had sailed for him – he wanted to be an old person in a photo. He wanted to give a child a warm, happy home to grow up in and carry through their life. He wanted to smile out of a photo of him and Poe and somewhere in the galaxy someone with some of his features and some of Poe’s would smile at the photo and hang it above their bed. Wrapped up in that daydream, he almost didn’t notice the door _whoosh_ open.

“ _Finn.”_ Poe breathed out and barreled across the room. It was all Finn could do to turn around before Poe had wrapped him in a crushing hug, throwing him so far off balance they both fell onto his bed.

“Thank the Force, you’re safe! Poe! Everyone’s been so worried.” Finn ran a hand through Poe’s curls, basking in his warmth.

Poe nuzzled his head back against Finn’s hand, pleased. His only response was a happy hum.

They lay there, pressed together, in a warm silence for a bit. Two sets of dark eyes met.

“I have to tell you something.” They said in unison.

They both leaned back slightly, surprised. “Can I go? I’ve been practicing this for a couple days and I want it to be right.” Poe asked, and Finn nodded.

“I know that you’re new to a lot of aspects of life outside the First Order, and I don’t want to overwhelm you, but I’m a firm believer in open, honest communication. I like to have all my cards on the table, and you can do with them what you need. So. Here it is. I love you, Finn. In a non-platonic way. And, if you’re uncomfortable with that, I totally understand, we can get you moved to a different room, or – mmph!” Finn cut Poe off by finally, _finally,_ pressing their lips together.

Wow.

Poe’s lips were soft against his, and warm. The tugging feeling in his heart blossomed into ecstasy when Poe’s surprise passed and he melted into the kiss. It was simple and chaste, but still both men leaned back breathing heavily, dizzy with joy.

“How do you say ‘I love you’ in Yavinian?”

“Te quiero.”

“Te quiero.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And one thing Finn learned about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: character has a minor panic attack

They were the hottest gossip in the whole resistance. Everywhere they went together, they were met with wolf whistles, catcalls, and high-fives. Finn even dodged a wink from General Organa in the halls once. Poe preened at the attention, never shying away from holding Finn’s hand or kissing him in any manner of places. Finn was not quite there yet, but he was gradually unlearning his no-longer-rational fear of being ‘caught’. He could get up on the table in the mess hall and proclaim his love for Poe and the worst thing that would happen would be a few jibes at their expense. _No one’s getting reconditioned,_  Finn thought to himself, squeezing Poe’s hand tighter as they wound their way back to their quarters after dinner. Poe looked over at his boyfriend, eyes crinkled happily.

Finn tapped in the keycode without having to think about it. They both made a beeline for Poe’s bed – Finn’s cot had sat unused for the past week.

“Hey, BB8, whatcha up to?” Poe asked as the boys kicked off their shoes. The droid was bobbing around the room aimlessly, and their answering string of beeps was too complex for Finn to comprehend. He caught the words “bed”, “size”, and both of their names.

“Huh, yeah that’s true.” Poe looked up at Finn, remembering after a moment to translate. “BB8 says we could maximize our living space by 60% if we sent this spare cot back down to facilities. That is, if you want to.” Poe’s fingers twined in the softer-than-regulation sheets of his bed, telegraphing his nerves.

“Yeah, we can do that.” Finn shrugged noncommittally. He was used to living in much more cramped quarters, but if it made Poe and BB8 happy, he certainly wasn’t using the cot for anything anymore.

Poe seemed to misconstrue his easy disregard as reluctance. “We can totally keep the cot. I mean, I love having you in my bed, don’t get me wrong. I just – I don’t want you to feel like you have to sleep in my bed just because we’re dating now.”

Finn’s heart melted at the show of consideration. He placed a hand over Poe’s, which easily flipped from twining itself into the sheets to Finn’s hand, experiencing the change in texture.

“Poe, I want to sleep in your bed. I like sleeping with you may more than I did alone, even knowing you were just across the room. I feel really safe with you. We should get rid of the cot.” Finn considered everything he said to be very matter of fact, but Poe looked as if Finn had written him a love song. Without breaking eye contact with Finn, Poe tilted his head slightly to address BB8. “Hey buddy, could you put in a work order for someone to come get it tomorrow?”

Finn had no idea what BB8 said but he’d never heard a droid convey indignation quite so well. They rolled out of the room, continuing to beep softly, and Finn imagined them grumbling about their lazy human, even if that wasn’t at all what they said. Finn had a long way to go, learning binary.

Poe’s eyes, still locked with Finn’s, gained an edge Finn hadn’t seen before, and it made his stomach lurch. Poe leaned in, slowly.

“Can I kiss you?” Poe never kissed without asking. Finn nodded, meeting his boyfriend halfway. Their lips locked and slid together like they had dozens of times before, but something was different. Rather than a happy settling feeling in Finn’s heart, he felt like an electric current was pumping through his bones. Jumpy, uncertain.

Poe didn’t seem to clock his discomfort, and he intensified the kiss slightly by laying them both down. Finn was splayed out on his back, with Poe leaning over him and almost entirely covering his body. They continued to kiss, and Finn tried to insist to himself that he was enjoying it.

 _There is a beautiful man on top of me, this is an objectively good situation._ This thought did nothing to deter the unpleasant something that was building in Finn’s chest.

Poe retreated from the kiss for a moment, pupils blown and hair a mess. He used the hand not bearing his weight to trace a feather-light pattern down Finn’s arm – “What do you want, cariño?”

Finn’s mind went temporarily blank until Poe’s hand moved from his wrist to land on his hip. The contact broke something in Finn’s mind.

“TO STOP!” He bolted up out of the bed and hurried into the fresher, slamming the door behind him. His mind tried to race in a million different directions and it was all he could do to keep breathing normally. He crumpled to the floor and put his head in his hands.

On some level, he knew this was coming. Even before he’d gotten together with Poe, Finn remembered reading about sex and deciding he would never be able to do that with someone. He knew he wasn’t cut out to be in a relationship, and he had gone ahead and fallen in love with Poe anyway. _Poe._ His heart lurched. _What is he going to think of me?_

As if summoned, Finn heard a gentle knock at the door he was sitting against. “Uh huh” He said thickly.

The door slowly swung open and Finn felt Poe’s knees jostling against Finn’s back as he also sunk to the floor. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Poe patiently waiting to hear Finn’s thoughts, Finn patiently waiting to figure them the fuck out.

“I… can’t.” _Excellent, Finn, well said._

“Can’t what, Finn? I’ll need you to be really clear for me.” Finn could hear Poe’s voice shaking with nervousness.

Huffing a heavy breath, Finn turned to face Poe, who wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I can’t have sex. I don’t really understand why not, but whenever I read about it or think about it or – “ he gestured between the two of them to indicate the failed attempt that had just occurred – “I get this weird tightness in my chest like I’m being crushed by something and it’s… it’s too much. I’m sorry, Poe. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.”

Poe seemed… relieved? He nodded, finally meeting Finn’s eyes with a smile. “Do you think you’re asexual?”

Finn shook his head, not so much a _no,_ as an _I don’t know what you’re talking about._

Poe laughed quietly through his nose. “Asexuality sounds a lot like what you’re describing, to the point where it’s part of someone’s identity. It can mean any number of things to different people – no specific sexual attraction, lowered libido, being full-on sex repulsed. You should read up on that, I think it might help you.”

Finn rolled the word around in his mind. _Asexual._ “But, I _do_ love you, Poe. Doesn’t that… shouldn’t it…”

Poe shook his head easily, “Plenty of people experience romance without sex, or vice versa. People can have a long, full, happy relationship with no sex at all. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that.” Poe reached over to take Finn’s hand, and he gave it happily.

“I do want that.” Finn almost whispered, eyes on their held hands. “Is that okay, for you? I don’t want you to have to--”

Poe _shhh’d_ him gently. He extended his free hand to rest behind Finn’s neck, pressing their foreheads together. “ _Of course_ it’s okay, cariño. You could never be a burden. I love you so much.”

Tears pricked at Finn’s eyes, and a long-held tension wormed its way out of his chest. He curled into Poe’s lap, shuddering. Poe hummed gently, rocking a bit to sooth them both.

That’s how BB8 found them when they rolled back into their shared quarters. Curled up in a cuddle puddle on the floor in the open doorway to the fresher.

[ _If you’ll be sleeping there tonight, I can go back and request a work order to remove_ both _beds.]_

Poe chuckled and hoisted the pair of them up to standing. “Nah, we need to keep this one.”

[ _Sarcasm, Poe.]_

“Oh. You need to spend less time with Jess.”

Finn, barely following the exchange, chuckled and sat himself down on Poe’s bed. Poe followed and sat beside him.

“Tell me how much contact is too much, okay cariño?” Poe budged over and laid down on the side of the bed nearest the wall, letting Finn decide the majority of their sleeping conformation.

Finn’s eyes shined with gratitude.

“Te quiero, Poe.”

Poe hummed happily as Finn curled himself into the older man’s side. Resting his head on Poe’s chest, Finn could hear the strong beat of Poe’s heart. Poe ran a hand gently through Finn’s coarse hair, enjoying the resistance there and inherent in Finn’s entire being. They both drifted off with the same thought.

_How the force did I get so lucky._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy. I wrote this entire thing in like the span of seven hours and I have no idea where it came from. I hope yall like it.


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